It’s widely believed that in order to do recovery from substance use disorder “right,” you should cut off old friends and spend most of your time with others in recovery to avoid using. Today, our thinking has evolved. It would be unrealistic to expect someone in recovery to never encounter a social situation with substances again, so it’s more practical to build the necessary skills to coexist with them. When it comes to friendships, what really matters is surrounding yourself with people who help you feel safe, supported and seen.

Research shows that people who have at least three to five strong social supports — friends, family or peers — are more likely to succeed in recovery, whether those friends are also in recovery or not. The key is the quality of the relationship, not just shared experiences.

Follow this checklist to decide which friendships are healthy for your recovery:

• Do I feel safe and accepted when I’m with them?
• Do they avoid heavy substance use or use in moderation without pushing it on others?
• Was our friendship mostly about partying or using?
• Have they ever pressured me to use more than I planned?
• Can I count on them when things get tough?
• Would they step in to protect my recovery goals if I were at risk of using again?

If you can’t confidently say “yes” to most of these, that friendship may not be helpful right now. On the other hand, someone who does pass this test is someone worth keeping close.

Socializing with good friends who aren’t in recovery does require clear communication. Let people know ahead of time about your status by saying things like:

• “I’m focusing on my health and staying sober. I’d love to hang out — can we do something like go for a walk or grab coffee?”
• “I’m not drinking right now, but I still want to spend time together.”
• “Thanks for understanding. It means a lot to have your support.

Of course, you can still connect with others who are in recovery as well. Shared experiences can make you feel understood in ways that others can’t. Support groups, recovery meetups and online communities are great places to find that connection. Look into local 12-step meetings, SMART Recovery or peer-led sober groups in your area. Recovery is not about isolation — it’s about choosing the right people who will respect your boundaries and lift you up. Keep those people close.