The Grief of Divorce

Divorce is a major life change and brings many feelings of loss. Even if it was a mutual decision, everyone will feel the impact.

During a divorce, you may feel the loss of the relationship and of your spouse. You may also miss your spouse’s family members or the friends you have in common. Family members and friends may feel they need to choose sides, which can leave you feeling alone.

These losses can make grief feel heavy and overwhelming, and it is normal to have moments of intense sadness. It is also normal for you to experience waves of emotions brought on by a memory, a song, seeing a happy family, or even just looking at your children and thinking about the future you once imagined.

When a relationship ends you may feel numb, angry, confused, or worried about what’s next. These feelings are normal.

Talking about them  with supportive people who may have similar experiences can make it easier. Talking about your feelings can help you during the grieving process.  You can do this by talking with a counselor, a faith leader, a close friend, or a support person you trust. You can also try journaling or exploring many of the online groups available.

If you have children, it is important to let them express their grief. Children may feel uncomfortable or scared to share their feelings because they sense the tension between parents. They may also worry that talking about their feelings may make it seem like they are choosing one parent over another.

Children may grieve the loss of the family as they knew it. They may also notice changes in extended family routines. They may benefit from talking with a counselor to help them work through their emotions.

As a parent, working through your own grief can help you support your children by showing them that healing is possible. As your children grow, there will be moments when you and your ex-spouse are both be present, such as school events, concerts, graduations and weddings. Planning ahead for how to handle these events can reduce stress. When parents make these moments less stressful, it creates a more comfortable environment for the children.

Seeking support for yourself and your children can make the grief of divorce easier to manage. You don’t have to go through this alone.